By Karen Ball
A publication telling you all you desired to learn about intercourse yet have been too afraid to invite. Dont be shy, its all right here, from undesirable breath to love-bites, the 1st fumble at midnight to the morning after - youll quickly notice that birds and bees don't have anything to do with it. From the main angst ridden teenager to the couple thinking about what theyre lacking, this advisor will enlighten and entertain.
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Additional resources for An Idiot's Guide to Sex
A) Sundried tomatoes and crème fraîche b) Nappies for the baby c) Bottle of dry cider, please 34 An Idiot’s Guide to Sex What does the word ‘organism’ make you do? a) Look it up in the science dictionary b) Tell the biology boffin to go away c) Snigger and nudge your mates If you’ve got a spot, what do you do? a) Cover it up with concealer and wait for it to go away b) You don’t get spots any more c) Squeeze it until your face starts bleeding and then burst out crying 35 An Idiot’s Guide to Sex The person you fancy has just come over to say hello.
Again, I am forced to laugh in the face of such advice. Condoms just aren’t sexy. Not even bananaflavoured ones. You will always turn to fingers and thumbs when putting one on. When it comes to condoms, you are forever a petrified teenager. 41 An Idiot’s Guide to Sex Lovebites Teenagers wear their lovebites with pride. It is an essential clause of the heavy petting contract that you should walk away from a romantic encounter with several purple bruises on your neck. The coy will wear a scarf for the next few days, but any teenager worth their salt will recklessly leave their shirt collar gaping for all to see their badges of honour.
But at least for a short while you discovered one of the nice sides of sex – someone who’s there to keep you company and put a bucket by the side of the bed when you’re drunk. Which leads us nicely into the next chapter. A chapter that explores the full horror of the single life and why you’re one of the millions of people sat reading this book on their own. Don’t worry, you’re not a freak. So, why do you feel like one? Well, despair no more. I am here to help you understand that being single doesn’t mean that you’re sad.
An Idiot's Guide to Sex by Karen Ball